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Thursday, September 01, 2005

Why the theory of the Frozen Tundra failed; Or, the $780 Million Dollar love cruise; Or, where is Garrison Keilor when we need him?

Because The Observer is a native Minnesotan who grew up on the sailboat lake, White Bear Lake, and married the girl from the powerboat lake, Lake Minnetonka, I believe I am in a perfect position to explain the problem that the recent love boat cruise or "team building" outing of the Minnesota Vikings presents to local Minnesota voters.

The "Theory of the Frozen Tundra," a rare and lost text, explains that true virtue is inversely proportional to weather. The colder it is, the more Satan and all his pomps is destroyed. Time and time again in my youth it was instilled in me that the below zero weather of Minnesota was good for me. It caused wandering souls to come home early. It caused those with loose morals not to come to Minnesota in the first place. In summary, cold weather plus high taxes equal high virtue. This was the land of Lake Wobegon. Garrison Keillor country. Where all the folks were bright--------- and all schools had seven valedictorians. Anyway. Thus, my mother in law can tease me that my sketches are from Lake Woe--begotten. True Virtue is Lake Wobegon or Viking country, and Packerland is Lake Woe--begotten. You catch the ideology.

Thus the love boat scandal of the Minnesota Vikings comes as quite a blow to the citizens of the frozen tundra. What went wrong?

Click on the post for the view of Tom Powers. He feels that only if all the Viking sinners are purged and the righteous Viking reserves are elevated to starting positions will peace be restored in Minnesota. That would certainly be nice for the Packers on Christmas Eve.

It seems to the Observer that all sports, music, and all arts, are "divertido" in Spanish or "diversion" in English. It seems that since the realities of life....war..social discord...economic struggle...loss... are so difficult that we are completely dependent on diversion to numb the pain. Thus, a college student cannot walk from class to class without an ipod or a cell phone in the ear. Not possible to interact..Must block it..thank you. So.. it seems to me we have placed too high a burden on football to deliver us from the anguish. Who wants to deal with Wisconsin if the Packers lose? Not me. Yes there is hope if the Badgers win, but if both lose...God forbid.

In short, we need a new balance. Maybe a new diversion. Maybe tango dancing. We cannot keep relying on football for the Total Deliverance.

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