The Heart Bypass: Dateline Sophia--Fiction

( Ed. note: This is one of a series of sketches of a small fishing town up near Brainerd, MN., near the land of Lake Woebegon. )

Recently I was up to Normal, Mn. for the 4th of July, and decided to skip out of town to avoid the sign "hubub" and go just down the road to my favorite fishing spot, Sophia.

I stopped in to the bait shop, and was shocked by the changes. Rex, the mayor of Sophia, had been rushed to the hospital with a second heart attack the day before, and his wife, Louise had taken the reins again. It was a little unusual, the wife being given the emergency reins of power, but it seems that while at the hospital, the doctors had been explaining to Rex that he needed a heart bypass, and Rex got confused and thought they were talking about a road bypass.

All of Sophia had been up in arms about the huge increase in traffic of fishing rigs heading up through town. The boys snoozing along the hardware store were unable to even catch a short nap due to the heavy rush of car traffic.

All the citizens took a poll and they wanted a bypass. Lucille, however, who had just minutes earlier been appointed mayor, decided that though 95% of the town wanted a bypass, she would just go with her feelings and install a "pole" tax on any fishing pole that came into town. A fee of $25 just came to her in a dream.

Lucille didn't know about any "impact studies" some citizens wanted. She just had a woman's intuition.

Sure enough ---soon there was no traffic at all in town. Well. Now the boys can catch all the naps they want.


I could have stayed at the local hotel for a song, with the double coupon discounts they were giving just to anyone that walked in, but I wanted to head back to good ol Wisconsin---- God's Country ----where we all know about impact studies.