(Ed. note. This sketch is part of a long series of fictional tales from the land of Normal, a small town south of Garrison, Mn. These sketches are available for download to your IPod from the Itunes store at no charge. You also can directly download each audiopost from the Observer site. Right click the mp3 Icon to download. Or just click the play icon and listen. Enjoy.)
It's been a long week filled with details and I thought I would head up North and enjoy the long Martin Luther King Jr. holiday in my favorite getaway spot, Normal, Mn., a small fishing village just south of Garrison, just west of the land of Lake Woebegon. It was snowing lightly in Madison as I left, but as I drove on, the snow piled up. There is just something wonderful how the white snow cover changes a dreary landscape and makes everything bright. That and a lot of great fireplace time is real relaxing.
As soon as I entered the town limits of Normal, I checked in at the Spruce Goose Motel, where all the comforters are down, and all the walls are covered with trophy game and then headed over to the coffee shop to meet Herman, my old countryboy lawyer friend, for the usual coffee. I shared with Herman that I was in a school board election race with 5 other candidates and that it would necessitate a primary. I asked him for any advice, since he had been through many such election contests.
"Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me) 6 candidates is nothing. Up here in Normal, we have a real crisis cause we have 40 candidates that have filed for the local election. Now THAT is a REAL contest!"
"How many seats are open for the election?, I asked.
"Two." Herman replied.
"What is the problem.?" I wondered.
"Well," Herman went on, "This is no big city like yours. There are only 200 citizens who are registered to vote here. And it is an off year election. So. Faced with a declining enrollment and fear of budget cuts, every employee of the school district has asked their spouse to run for school board. It's just the natural way up here."
"The real problem is that under the very legalistic rules up here in Normal, a candidate cannot be declared the winner unless he gets 30 votes. With all the candidates, and no primary being available, cause they are strictly outlawed, we have the possiblity that NO candidate will win."
"What would happen then," I asked.
"A real crisis, Wolfman. A real crisis. There would not be enough board memebers to issue checks. Payroll checks. Understand?"
'Now I understand, Herman. With every family voting for their relatives, it could happen that nobody will be elected--right?"
"YES", Herman said quietly. "You get it."
With the weather prediction getting worse and the temps going below zero in the frozen tundra, I was glad to head out of town and back home.
It sure is good to be back in good old Wisconsin. Where we have real elections and not just voting for relatives and spouses. Where we can talk of issues and such. And where we can have primaries. And where we have more to think of than just payroll checks.
Alleluia.
School Election in Normal faces crisis
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