Dateline Normal: WWW: Wrestling comes to Normal---Fiction

(Ed. note. This is one of a long series of fiction.)

As I slowed down at the city limits of Normal, Mn., a small fishing village just south of Garrison, and west of Lake Woebegon, I just looked up and sure enough---across the street---Main Street---was the banner in large red letters on white background that proclaimed----"Welcome WWW----World Wrestling Federation. "

I thought I knew wrestling. After all, the Blue Devils had some great wrestling teams. How could these dudes in the northern tundra teach me anything once I had seen Big Blue in action.

After a quick cocktail at the Hideway Lounge where I met Herman, we headed over to the gym where the big doins were bein held. I could hear the loud music a block away. As I entered the dimly lit auditorium, filled with a haze of smoke, I noticed the spotlights and the sound of the announcer heralding the entrance of "Gentleman Jim."

"WOW", I exclaimed to Herman. " This sure is different from high school wrestling. "

"This is the BIG TIME," Herman exclaimed. "These are PROS."

Just then a guy with a feather boa came down the entrance ramp. It was none other than 'Jesse "the body" Ventura, the former governor of Minnesota, and a still active wrestler on the pro circuit. He and "Gentleman Jim" were taking on "The Crusher" and the "Deadly Dude"----a real dark haired tall dude.

"Pro Wrestling is a combination of Theatre, Violence and Psychodrama" Herman explained to me. It is all about good and evil. In fact, it is all about following ones lines. The guy that does not follow the script can get hurt."

"I do not understand, Herman. I just cannot imagine the combination of violence and psychodrama. How can this be?, I asked.

"It is real simple Wolfman. Out of the frustrations of real life, folks just assume another identity for wrestling purposes. It is REAL drama. Now take that "Gentleman Jim" dude. He is a lawyer from Bemidji. Not too good on his feet though. Got a C in Civil Procedure back in Law School. Lost it in the "Thrust and Parries."

"Whatever are you talking about?", I asked.

"Well," It's real simple. The thrusts and parries are part of Civil Procedure and Statuetory Construction. "Gentleman Jim" never was too fast with the counter, and....well....he just turned to wrestling.....out of frustration. Still....as you can see....he is still slow on his feet. This should be no contest."

"The real talent is "Jesse Ventura"----he has real acting ability. Just when you think he is about to make a point,,....he distracts you with the feather boa. That is real acting skill."

Then there were all the nice little old ladies at the edge of the ring. They were pretty quiet till the match began. Then as things heated up, and there was a violent tag team switch, the little ladies just rose and started screaming all at once, " KILL em Gentleman Jim," .....xxxxxxxx" What a shock. Such violent emotion from the supportive crowd in the front seats. It was just like politics, I thought. Wow.

After a night of all that screaming and such, I had a fitfull sleep. I kept hearing the ladies in the upper seats screaming for blood. So. I just checked out early from the Spruce Goose Motel and headed back to good old Wisconsin. Where we don't have any contests with the screaming ladies in the upper bleachers yelling for blood. Where we never combine psychology and drama. And where most of the violence is in the dart games in bars and such.

Sure is good to be back home.