Over a lifetime, I have become somewhat a specialist in "Denial." When I worked in a health care setting years ago, I picked up a book on Death and Dying and reviewed the four stages of loss----denial, anger, bargaining, and finally acceptance. The problem was, of course, those of us in a health setting rarely saw anything but the first two stages. And I came to a simple amazement of the power of denial in grief, loss, and in a lot of areas of life.
Denial gives me the power to run or bike and pretend that I am 18. Too much awareness of the total risks of life would be too much. A little denial is good. Anything is still possible. Without a little blocking, enthusiasm might be somewhat difficult.
Two other great weapons are blame and resentment. Whenever there is change, count on those two emotions.
This coming week is the week of graduation. It is also a time of huge risk of death on the highway. I hope we as a community, beginning with parents and teens, can pledge not to drink and drive.
Now is the time for responsibiity, not blame. It is the time to see and not be blind to what is clearly before us.
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I know when my dad died I was full of anger. I wanted to blame someone, even though he died from cancer. Lung Cancer. My dad never smoked a day in his life . Damn those smokers and their second hand smoke. I will tell you that it took me a long time to let go of some of that anger. I will never forget the Doctor's comment about normally they don't see that 'type' of lung cancer in non-smokers.
ReplyDeleteI needed to blame someone. I am past that but it took along time. I think when someone is taken without warning it would be 100x worse. It takes time, alot of time. But the pain does subside, and I now can step back and be a little more objective. Sometimes regardless of how something happens or why they just do. It does not matter how someone dies, or why. IT still hurts, eight years later it still hurts. But I have found the best way to deal with my grief and pain is to be productive and try to make a difference, not continue to place blame because you never move on, its like being stuck in the mud, you get no where.