Dateline Normal: "Twisting by the Pool"----FICTION

(Ed.note. This is one of a long series of tales about a town in Northern Minnesota, just south of Garrison and west of the Land of Lake Woebegon. These tales are available for FREE from the Itunes store and can be downloaded for your mp3 player from the Observer (click on the mp3 icon). When they are mailed via cd, they are wrapped in a brown paper wrapper, clearly marked FICTION.)


With all the stress of the school board race building, the coffee and tea parties, the meeting voters and, yes, even kissing babies, that make up the very essence of every political campaign, I felt it necessary to head on out of town for the weekend. There was a slight problem with a car however. My wife needed ours, so I made a very rare move---I rented a car. After all, one of our family friends worked at a Nissan dealership, so I asked for a rental----- loaded with all the extras.

I downloaded from The Observer web site the Plunkett Raysich audio, as well as some of the other audio minutes of school board meetings. It would be a long drive...but then it would be kinda doing my homework in preparation for the big SCHOOL BOARD CANDIDATE FORUM------- happening on February 3rd, at 10:00 AM sharp at the EHS media room, where all the school board candidates would square off to answer questions. Just the chance to appear in the same room with the legendary "Grumps", the famous politico blogger, was a real thrill.

I was cruising along just this side of Osseo, when the soft voice from the navigation system said, " Warm blueberry muffins are now on special at the "Norske Nook" just a mile off the interstate at the next exit. The muffins will be out of the oven in 4 minutes just in time for your eating pleasure." I immediately turned on my blinker. Boy. That was pretty impressive. I am just helpless when it comes to blueberry muffins. And the timing was just perfect. I had not bargained for this navigation feature when I asked for a Nissan "loaded." I did like it though.

After I had a great breakfast at the Norske Nook, the rest of the trip was pretty routine. Yes, the colder weather met me at the border, but I adjusted nicely. As I cruised into Normal, I headed immediately to the Hideaway Lounge, where Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend was waiting for me. He had called me on the cell phone and said that a special rock and roll band was playing, and even though there was a cover charge, they were well worth it.

As I entered the lounge, I heard one of my favorite songs, "Twisting by the Pool." It was one of the "Traveling Wilburies" tracks and I especially liked it cause Roy Orbison sang with the group.

I mentioned to Herman that "Twisting by the Pool" was one of my favorite songs. Over the loud music he agreed. "Shucks, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me), this town has never been the same since the Traveling Wilburies came here in person a decade ago."

"Whatever do you mean, Herman?," I asked.

"Well," he went on, "It was one of the coldest winters in memory up here, and everyone in town was here at the lounge that night. After hearing the song "Twisting by the Pool," everyone was just TOTALLY sold. We just HAD to have a pool------ right NOW. The rest is just history."

"What happened next?," I asked.

"Well, the seniors had been saving for 20 years for a senior center, but when they heard that song.....that was a REAL deal breaker. They made the decision in "closed executive session"---after all, it was concerning acquisition of property etc......." and after all, they were all here at the lounge....they had a quorum....even though most had been drinking most of the night....---they made the decision to build a pool, and leave the senior center to be built right next door ---LATER.

" I just do not get it, Herman." What could be the problem. It sounds pretty good to me., I said. After all, I was on my second round, and after a couple of drinks, a little pooling sounded pretty great to me.

"The seniors built their pool. And the city got so excited that they built one too. In fact, EVERYONE was so excited---even the Boy Scouts built a pool! The excitement was real catchy."

"What's the problem?" I asked. It seems you were" building it so that they could come."

Then Herman went on. "Well, Wolfman. Here is the problem. In the summer, with all the fishing and all, the population surges to 2000 folks or so. But in the winter......it dwindles to .......42. Needless to say, we have plenty of space for everyone.

"Whatever happened to the Senior Center?" I asked.

"It was never built," Herman replied. In fact, that is one subject that is never mentioned up here. Not even with a whisper. In fact the city fathers have outlawed talking about it.

"Now we have all our meetings at the pool. It is very nice. Very warm. Real downhome. And there is nothing like talking about finances right in the middle of water aerobics. There is a starbucks poolside so it is real upscale and all.

"You mean you have all civic meetings IN the pool?"

"Yes," Herman replied.

Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where we discuss finances in regular meetings and not during water aerobics. Where everyone can share our large civic venues and not each civic entity have a separate pool of its own. And where our seniors build a senior center they can afford and not a pool and nothing else.

I do have to admit it has been an adjustment though. Each time I attend a finance committee meeting, I just wonder how it might all look if the meeting was in a pool.

A serious examination of the civic process in Normal, Mn. , where all business is conducted in the local pool.


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