A Pork Farm is A Coming ...; Or, I had a dream

Last night I had a dream. I was standing right in the middle of our fair city and the porks were a comin. They were in a huge herd and were starting to run like the bulls of pamplona. I had forgotten my red cape for bullfighting. I was set to be overrun by PORK.

Then I heard the words "I will send Sgt Spreadsheet to the rescue as soon as I can. But we are real busy right now. " I heard the "Count" from Sesame Street say, "Where are the numbers? Funny little stories about all them hard working, sweatin Irish workmen that never got their paychecks are cute and heart throbin but we need NUMBERS----- SGT NUMBERS to rescue us. "

I heard a banker speak up and say, "I cannot in good conscience approve this without any numbers. But on the other hand, I guess I could approve it with conditions subsequent. "

What a NIGHTMARE!.

The backup sheriff, Sheriff WAGNER was the backup sheriff on call. The problem, of course, was that he was the sheriff on call of 100 communities and were all threatened by PORK and he was streched pretty thin. His ammo was runnin low. He was one tired ombre.

One of the qualities of Sgt. WAGNER was that he had them "rosy colored" glasses that all the territories around Dodge city loved so much. He could "run the numbers" and could literally make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. That is what the towns loved so much about him. It was not at all clear that I could rely on Sgt. WAGNER to be the rescue.

Just then the stench started to rise. It was just terrible. I heard the voices say, "It will not stench. You won't even know we are here." I kept repeating that mantra but it did not help. I kept hearing the famous words of the blogger Ambulance who hinted that if it stinks like pig, and looks like pig it probably is a pig and is probably an unenforceable contract even though it is disguised as a really great deal for everybody. His words were helpful

Then just as the pigs were starting to charge----and they began beating on my chest....the beating just would not stop......

I heard the words, "Dick, Dick, ...WAKE UP, WAKE UP, You are having a terrible nightmare. "

I am so relieved. Thank goodness a pig farm is not coming to our fair city.